Malaysian Amateur Girl Jasmine

funny funny jokes   


Welcome to my jokes page! there's nothing like good rib ticklers being told amongst friends over dinner and drinks. if you have any good jokes, please send them to me :) keep on laughing and smiling!

Here are a couple of Kass & Jass fan comic strips submitted by the talented Ryan K!

Kass & Jass 1       Kass & Jass 2

 

joke 1
Two couples were playing cards.  John accidentally dropped some
cards on the floor.  When he bent down under the table to pick 
them up, he noticed that Bill's wife was not wearing any 
underwear!  Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and 
emerged red-faced. 

Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's 
wife followed him and asked, 
"Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

John admitted that, well, yes he did. She said 
"You can have it, but it will cost you $100."

After a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested.  
She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John 
doesn't, John should come to her house around 2:00 PM on Friday. 
Friday came and John went to her house at 2:00 PM.  After paying 
her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex, and then John left.

Bill came home about 6:00 pm.  He asked his wife, 
"Did John come by this afternoon?"
 
Reluctantly, she replied, 
"Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes."
 
 Next Bill asked, 
"Did John give you $100?"
 
She thinks 'Oh hell, he knows!'  Finally she says, 
"Yes, he did give me $100."

"Good,"  Bill says.  "John came by the office this morning and
borrowed $100 from me.  He said that he would stop by our house 
on his way home and pay me back."


joke 2
A man and woman are having a relationship for about 4 months
now.  One Friday night, they meet at a bar after work.  They
stay for a few, then go get some food at a local restaurant
near their respective homes.  They eat, then go back to his
house and she stays over.

Her story:
**********
He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar last night, I
thought it might have been because I was a bit late, but
he didn't say anything much about it.  The conversation was
slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more
intimate so we could talk more privately.  So we went to
this restaurant and he is still acting a bit funny and I am
trying to cheer him up and I start to wonder if it is me or
something else.  I ask him and he says no.  But you know
I am not really sure.

Anyway, in the cab back to his house, I say that I love him
and he just puts his arm around me.  I don't know what the
hell this means because you know he doesn't say it back or
anything.  We finally get back to his place and I am wondering
if he is going to dump me.  So I try to ask him about it but
he just switches on the TV.  Reluctantly, I say I am going to
go to sleep.  Then, after about 10 minutes, he joins me and we
have sex.  But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards
I just wanted to leave.  I don't know, I just don't know, what
he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he's met someone else????

His story:
**********
Lousy day at work, low on funds, and tired.  Got some action
though.

joke 3
A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch.
As the bartender pours the drink, he remarks,
"That's quite a heavy drink.  What's the problem?"

After quickly downing his drink, the man replies,
"I found my wife in bed with my best friend."

'Wow," says the barkeep. "What did you do about it?"
"I walked over to my wife, looked her in the eye,
 told her to pack her stuff, and get the hell out."

"That makes sense," remarks the barkeep...
"And, what about your best friend?"

"I looked him right in the eye and yelled, **Bad  Dog** "

joke 4
A man with a 25 inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain
that he is unable to get any women to have sex with him. They
all tell him that his penis is too long.
"Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there any way
you can shorten it?"

The doctor replied,
"Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this
witch who may be able to help you."

So the doctor gives him directions to the witch. The man calls
upon the witch and relays his story.
"Witch, my penis is 25 inches long and I can't get any women
to have sex with me. Can you help me shorten it?"

The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then
replies,
"I think I have a solution to your problem. What you have to
do is go to this pond deep in the forest. In the pond, you
will see a frog sitting on a log who can help solve your
dilemma. First you must ask the frog, will you marry me? Each
time the frog declines your proposal, your penis will be five
inches shorter."

The man's face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He
called out to the frog,
"Will you marry me?"

The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied,
"NO."

The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 5 inches shorter.
"WOW," he screamed out loud, "This is great!! But it's still
too long at 20 inches, so I'll ask the frog to marry me again.
"Frog, will you marry me?" the guy shouted.

The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back,
"NO!"

The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked down, and it
was another 5 inches shorter. The man laughed,
"This is fantastic."

He looked down at his penis again, 15 inches long, and
reflected for a moment. Fifteen inches is still a monster, just
a little less would be ideal. Grinning, he looked across the
pond and yelled out,
"Frog will you marry me?"

The frog looked back across pond shaking its head,
"How many times do I have to tell you? NO, NO, NO!!!

joke 5
**Diary of a Viagra Housewife**

Day 1.
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much
to celebrate.  When it came time to reenact our wedding night,
he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.  Wussy.

Day 2.
Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me.  He's impotent,
he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't
he tell me something I don't know!  I mean, gimme a break.
He's been dysfunctional for so long that he even walks with
a limp.

Day 3.
This marriage is in trouble.  A woman has needs.  Yesterday,
I saw a picture of the Washington Monument and burst into
tears.

Day 4.
A miracle has happened!  There's a new drug on the market
that will fix his 'problem.'  It's called Viagra.  I told
him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they
were on our wedding night.  He said, 'this time, I'd rather
not have your mother join us.'  I think this will work.
I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift
something other than his mood.

Day 7.
This Viagra thing has gone to his head.  No pun intended!
Yesterday, at Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like
a Whopper.  He thought they were talking about him.  Get over
yourself!  Not everything is about you!  But, have to admit ...

Day 8.
I think he took too many over the weekend.  Yesterday,
instead of mowing the lawn, he was using his new friend as
a weed wacker.  Sore as hell....

Day 10.
Okay, I admit it.  I'm hiding.  I mean, a girl can only take
so much.  And to make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra
down with hard cider!  The photo of Janet Reno isn't working.
What am I gonna do?  I feel tacky all over....

Day 11.
The side effects are starting to get to him.  Everything is
turning blue.  The other day, we were watching Kenneth
Branaugh in Hamlet and he thought it was "The Smurfs Do
Denmark."  Even my armpits hurt.  He's a nasty man.

Day 12.
OK, I'm basically being drilled to death.  It's like going
out with a Black and Decker power tool.  I woke up this
morning hot-glued to the bed.

Day 13.
I wish he was gay. I bought 400 Liza Minelli albums and
I keep saying 'fabulous,' and still he keeps coming after me!
Even yawning has become dangerous ...

Day 14.
Now I know how Saddam Hussein's wife feels.  Every time I shut
my eyes, there's a sneak attack!  It's like going to bed with
a scud missile.  Let's hope he's not like ex-President Bush and
takes 100 days to pull out.  I can hardly walk and if he tries
that "Oops, sorry" butt-thing again, I'm gonna kill him.

Day 15.
I've done everything to turn him off.  Nothing is working.
I even started dressing like a nun.  Now he tells me "Sister
Wendy" makes "Father Woody" want to bark like a dog.  Help me.

Day 16.
I think I will have to kill him.  Then he'll go out the way
he wants to... stiff.  With my luck, I won't be able to close
the casket.  I'm starting to adhere to everything I sit on.
The cats are afraid of him and the neighbors no longer come
over.  Last night I told him to fuck himself ...  he did.
He must die.

joke 6
A guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist,
"Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never
 had three girls at once. I need something to keep me horny..
 keep me potent."

The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom
drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a
label **Viagra Extra Strength**  and says,
"Here, if you eat this, you'll go nuts for twelve hours."

The guy says,
"Gimme three boxes."

The next day, the guy walks into the same pharmacy, limps
up to the pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist
looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and
blue, and skin is hanging off in some places.

In a pained voice, the man moans out,
"Gimme a bottle of Deep Heat."

The pharmacist replies in horror,
"You can't put Deep Heat on that!"

The man replies,
"No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."

joke 7
Three American businessmen were on a trip to Saudi Arabia
when they stumbled upon a harem filled with gorgeous girls.

They went in and were getting really "friendly" with the
harem-girls when the Sheikh returned and caught them in
the act. He had them tied up and told them that they would
be punished in a manner befitting their professions.

"What is your profession?" He asked the first guy.

"I'm a policeman", he replied.
"His penis...Shoot it off!" the sheikh shrieked.

"You...What is your profession?" He then asked the
second businessman.

"I'm a fireman.", he replied.
"His penis...Burn it off!" he bellowed.

The third businessman simply stood there smiling.

"Why are you smiling?... Never mind. What is your
profession?", he asked.

He gingerly replied,
"I'm a lollipop salesman".


page 2 with more jokes

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